So I was thinking about this last night (again). And one thing I missed is reiterating that while we haven't experienced community in the way we are used to, we have been welcomed into some people's (your, perhaps) lives. Over the years since we've lived here, we've been invited to a few dinners. We've been invited for breakfast dates. We've been invited to a movie night. We've gone wine tasting and on a couple of road trips north to Bridgeport. We've been invited to a few birthday parties and a couple of barbecues. We [used to] go to happy hour on Friday nights with some co-workers. (Which, by the way, we miss...) And, we've also done a lot of inviting ourselves. So as I mentioned here, we have experienced a very wee community. Yes, we have some friends. No, we aren't completely alone or abandonned.
Every time I wrote about community it was simply from the perspective that it's different here than what we're used to. That's all.
We actually had a really wonderful community when we first moved to Salem (5+ years ago) and started up our Friday night Bible Study (seen here) with a bunch of other relatively new-to-Salem folks.
Scott and I SO looked forward to those evenings! Every Friday, we'd share dinner (potluck style), then dive into God's word (usually) and then we'd end up just talking and laughing until late into the evening - sometimes early morning. Bible Study soon was nicknamed BS... for obvious reasons. We were all (save one) in similar life situations, all around the same age, and all just looking for friendships. We did camping trips (although Scott and I for one reason or another never made it to those), barbecues, birthdays, and coffee once in a while. We were there for each other when someone would move, helped plan weddings and baby showers, etc. There came a time when life just got crazy, lots of life changes were happening - moves, jobs, babies, extra-curricular activities - and we stopped meeting on Friday nights. Since then, one couple moved to another town, and the rest of us just kind of lost (regular) touch with one another. We still email once in a while, and we even run into (or plan to run into) each other from time to time, too. But we don't "do life" like we used to. I miss it. Very much.
Now, we have a new Friday night Bible Study (seen here).
We love it, too. We, too, meet for dinner (potluck style) every Friday night, study God's word, and then stay late into the evening talking and laughing. It's very different. Scott and I are the youngest. Everyone else has grown children and grandchildren. We feel very loved and supported by our BSers. We share our lives, debate theological differences, and deeply love one another. And, boy, do we have a good time! We do birthdays and holidays and barbecues and movie nights, too. We just miss doing life with people in our same life scenario. It's not better. It's not worse. It's just different.
Scott and I both come from places where our friends were our families. We got together several times a week - coffee, dinner, shopping, hanging out, going to church, whatever. There was never a weekend when we weren't with other people. If we were busy, and someone wanted to get together, we'd either change plans or invite them with. We never had to schedule time. We just made time. We, more often than not, had to schedule alone time because we were always with a group of friends.
It's different here. It's a treat when we get together with our friends. And it's WONDERFUL when we get our kids together. (Look how cute these guys are!)
There's a lot of scheduling that has to take place. We have to compare calendars. Who's doing what and when, and maybe there's a small window where the "nothing on my calendar" line matches up. Everyone is busy. Busy with kids. Busy with sports. Busy with church functions. Busy with families. Busy with jobs. Busy with out of town guests. Busy with hobbies. Busy busy busy. And everyone has their closest friends that they do those things with. You and your closest friends may spend a lot of (spontaneous) time together. We just haven't made the cut. And that's ok. We don't have to be everyone's BFFs.
It's just not our style to have to schedule out everything in advance. It's not the way we choose to cultivate relationships. We tend differently. That's all. Not worse. Not better. Just different.
I just want to emphasize that if you have invited us to your home or out for a meal or any other reason, we are grateful. Truly. And we are equally as grateful when you have accepted our invitations to join us in our home. We have had some wonderful times hanging out and getting to know you and your families. We just want more of you, not less. We don't want to push you away. We want to draw you in. We would love to support you in whatever you're doing - moving, new babies, new homes, home improvements, kids' sports, etc.
So, please don't be angry or hurt at anything I said or wrote. If something bothers you, or you were told by someone that I said something, please just come talk to me about it. It was never, and will never be, my intention to demand more from anyone that they are willing to give. Just so ya know, I love being a friend... if you're willing to let me in.
Now that I have bludgeoned that topic to the brink of death, that's all I'm going to say about that.
The end.
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