Letting Go

Looking back at how the events of the last 15 months came together in perfect orchestration, I'm just in awe. In the midst of trials, I knew I was being stretched, and of course it's so far beyond me to open my hands and let God work. It always takes a beating for me to say, "Ok... fine. Have it your way."
I've learned that it's so easy to get sucked into trivial things: money... work... unhealthy relationships… unhealthy places… chaos... But in the end they are so meaningless. I've learned that finding a quiet place away from media and noise and letting go of the innate desire to achieve gives way for the real Plan to work. I've learned that by opening my hands and giving it all back to The One who provided for me in the first place has given me freedom to live.
A new job... a new place... new relationships... a new motivation...
It has done something to me. I'm changed. I think for the better. Weeding out what now seems so unimportant. Everything is so simple now. Getting caught up in the busyness of life crowded out what my soul had longed for. God had answered a prayer almost a year ago, and nothing could have prepared me for the ways in which He would lead me. July 4th came and I found new meaning to love and laughter, joy... simplicity... perfection...
I have to confess that much of what I held onto was out of pride; a need to leave a legacy behind me, and a need to control what isn't rightfully mine to control. I couldn't sleep last night and I think it was God's way of meeting me when I had nothing else to grab my attention so that he could tell me it was time to let go. So I listened as God spoke.

I have to ask a friend for forgiveness. This means being vulnerable and accepting that my request is rejected. And that's ok.

I have to let go of what was an unhealthy place for me. There are still aspects that I want to hold dear – a friend… lessons learned… wisdom earned… But I think I'm ready to say goodbye to all the rest. And now I can be fully present for what really matters – my husband, my baby, my ministry, my Savior.

Thank you, Jesus, for helping me to let go.