I'm stuck behind two idiots!

I cannot tell you how much I fear Oregon drivers. I've been a lot of places and no one drives as terribly as the people in Oregon. I'd rather drive in the Caribbean (where they drive C.R.A.Z.Y.) than in this state.

For two days in a row on my way to work, I've been stuck behind people going exactly 2 miles per hour under the speed limit. Four lanes, 2 in either direction, 2 cars right next to each other, hogging the entire west-bound direction, driving slower than molasses.

First, don't drive next to each other. That's just bad form. It would be like two men standing at the urinal looking down at each other. It's just not acceptable.

Second, don't drive under the speed limit. And for God's sake, don't slow down at every intersection when the light is green, there are no pedestrians, bicyclists, babies, animals or aliens. Why in the name of all things holy, are you slowing down to 15 mph??

Third, don't ride your brakes. This isn't good for your brakes, your car, the environment, or the people driving behind you.

Fourth, you shouldn't sit 2 inches behind the steering wheel with your seat belt cut into your neck, or (worse) your shoulder strap stuck under your armpit. That's just too freakin' close to the steering wheel. If you get in an accident (which you will surely cause), not only will you slam your head on the steering wheel faster than your airbag can deploy, but you will be burned when your airbag deploys after you slam your head on the steering wheel.

Fifth, when a pedestrian enters a crosswalk, that is not a signal to you to hurry through and beat them across. Remember, you're driving a 3000 pound steel missile. Just stop and let the pedestrian cross safely. It's the law.

Sixth, just please stop driving like an ass.

These are the same people who merge onto the freeway going 40 mph slower than the speed of traffic, and who drive 35 mph all through town, regardless of the posted speed limit. Example: Cordon Road is in some places 55 mph and in other places 40 mph. There is hardly a day that I don't get stuck behind someone going 35... the entire way. It's like they have blinders on and don't pay attention to ANY sign, much less the posted speed limit sign. 35! EVERYWHERE. It drives me nuts. These same people go 35 mph through school zones... and turn the wrong way on one-way streets. Seriously??? Do they not see the freakin' signs???

They are probably the ones who are on their cell phones and texting. (Seriously, the dumbest and most unsafe habit behind the wheel. Get your eyes off your stupid iPhone and pay attention to the road!)

And don't get me started on 4-way stop signs.... Everyone just sits there, refusing to go... and when someone finally does, it's like they all got the idea at the same time, and start entering the intersection together... then they stop and wave each other on, no one going... It starts all friendly. They smile and wave at each other as if saying, "No, really. I insist. You go first." Then after 3 minutes of going, and stopping, going and stopping, they are now pissed at each other and wave at each other as if saying, "Just freakin' go already!!!" 

I just can't believe this actually happens. Why is stopping at a 4-way so confusing? It's not that hard, people. Whoever stops first, gets to go first. When in doubt, yeild to the driver on your right. And if someone waves you on, GO! Don't wave back at them unless you're waving to say, "Thank you, kind person, for letting me go first even though you had the right of way."

These are the same people who freak out when they drive, say, in Los Angeles. Or Chicago. Or any other major metropolis.... And then come home to tell everyone how crappy those drivers are, even though they merge at the speed of traffic, drive the speed limit (or 5 mph over), pay attention to street signs, yield to pedestrians, accept their right of way and enter a 4-way intersection properly, and use their mirrors when changing lanes.

Why isn't driver's training an absolute prerequisite to receiving a driver's license in the state? When I was learning to drive in California, I was required to complete 30 hours of class instruction, and 6 hours with a state-licensed instructor behind the wheel. The state-instructor verified that I completed the requirements - not my parent. This was in addition to the parent-trainer scenario of driving with a permit... In Oregon, a parent can sign off... There is no requirement to complete class instruction or behind the wheel training with a certified instructor. A parent can just sign off to "certify" your driving experience. (I can see it now... A 16-year old goes to his parent after backing out of the driveway 10 times and driving around a few parking lots, and the parent says, "Yep. You're a safe driver. I've seen you avoid a dumpster and 2 parked cars. You're ready for the road! Let me sign that for you.") So, that means, a crappy driver gets to teach a naive, inexperienced, uneducated teenager how to be a crappy driver. The result is a state full of ignorant, inexperienced, oblivious, dangerous drivers.

Oh, the humanity! I really wish Oregon would get a clue and require driver's training courses. The roads would be safer, our kids would be safer, and it would just be a much more pleasant experience for the rest of us who have to share the road with you.

Now, seriously, if you learned to drive and received your license in this state, please don't email me to tell me how wrong I am. Every other person from another state agrees with me. Ask them. They will tell you. And if they don't, it's because they are just inherently crappy drivers and their opinion is now moot.

Ok. **sigh **  I got that out of my system. I feel much better now. My day can go on.