Oregon flabbery

Have you ever had those moments that you look forward to and then when they happen, they are both exciting and sad at the same time? I just had one of those moments today.  More about that in a few days....

I've been having some "medical" issues. Not really "issues" but I don't know what else to call them. Not procedures. Through a routine physical (like, my first complete physical from head to toe), I was told that my thyroid is "large". Hilarious. I can see this now:

Me: "Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"
Scott: "No, but your thyroid does."

So, I made a follow up appointment with my doc to get the thyroid checked out. He poked and squeezed (which is never really a good feeling - to have your thyroid squeezed. I mean, they might as well just choke you.), followed by a, "Uh....huh... O... K..." as if to say, "Well... I don't see what the big deal is." But, just to be on the safe side, he sent me for some blood work to check, specifically, my thyroid function.

Today, I got a call from the first doc with the results of my blood work. Everything looks great! Except (**dun-dun-DUN**) my liver enzymes are low - most likely due to nursing (gee, ya think?), and I may need a measels booster. I didn't test positive or negative for measels. Um... how is this possible? I mean, I can't "maybe have measels", right? That's kind of like being a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you aren't. Either you have measels or you don't. So I might have to get a booster... but that, too, will have to be followed up with by my regular doc. Weird.

Then, 10 minutes later my phone rings again and this time it is my regular doc's nurse, who tells me they got the results back from the thyroid test. Seems whatever it is they test for is low... and doc wants me on a medication and then to come back in 10-12 weeks for another test. I asked if this medication is safe to take while nursing. The response? "Um... I don't know. Let me call the doctor and give you a call back." That was 2 hours ago, and I still haven't heard. Just for the record, I won't take anything that isn't safe to take while nursing. And I'm not going to stop nursing just to take a medication that isn't going to have life or death consequences. I mean, really....

Oh, the jokes that fly in my household with this type of news. So, not only do I have a fat thyroid, but now it may be retarded, and maybe I have measels on top of that. Brilliant! (Just soes ya knows, I don't have measels... I'm being facetious. It just makes me laugh to think that one wouldn't test neither positive nor negative. It would seem to me that it would be one or the other.)

Several years ago when I was getting all kinds of headaches, I ended up with a CT scan and MRI, which showed that I had a few blown discs, that may be causing some nerve damage. Since that time, my adoring husband has been calling me Nerve Damage. It's all very endearing. (Oh, and to avoid the cliff hanger on this story, it turns out that the one has nothing to do with the other, and I, like so many others, have the privilege of living with migraines. Oh, happy joy.)

I can't even imagine what he'll come up with now. But I assure you, you'll be amongst the first to know.

The good news is that since my thyroid levels are low, and assuming that whatever drug they want me on will fix it, I may see a weight loss... (And it may also stop my hair from falling out, which is normal after a birth of a baby, but this is riduculous!)  That'd be nice. I'm never one to blame weight gain on anything other than my own choices, but if I can blame 5-10 pounds on a stupid thyroid, then I'm all for it!

On a related front, when I weighed in last Monday (a week ago), I was 3 pounds lighter than when I first got preggers with Jeffrey (which is 13 pounds lighter than I was when I got preggers with Eden). Then, three days later when I had my thyroid follow up, I was down another 2 pounds. So, at least I'm moving in the right direction. It helps to be nursing. It also helps to be on vacation and enjoying sunshine. (The sun and I are good friends.)  Good thing I kept my skinny-skinny (pre-Oregon flabbery) jeans, huh? Ya never know. Someday, just someday, I may actually fit into them again... 40 pounds lighter. And I mean a true fit. Not a forced, lay on the bed sucking in my tummy and forcing the zipper up, then barely being able to stand and looking as if my lower half had been melted down and poured into the jean mold kind of fit. (In case you're getting a mental image, that's REALLY tight. And we all have seen women do this. Seriously. Not only is that completely unflattering to every body part lower than the shoulder, it's just wrong to think it looks good. Tight jeans like that do NOT make you look skinny (unless you actually are). Stop kidding yourself and embrace the poundage that has become a part of you.)

Ahh, that would be a good day. It has been at least 7 years since I've fit into anything even resembling my pre-Oregon skinny jeans.

All this to say, Oregon has not been good for my health. I've gotten fat. My thyroid is rebelling and going into hibernation. And I'm on the cusp of a measels outbreak. Not to mention nerve damage.

Why?

**shaking fists at the sky**

WHY????

Ok. I'm over it.

But I still need a drink. These last few months have been over the top stressful and frankly, I just want a martini which I have denied myself for far too long.

Amen.