Surrendered

Scott just got the news yesterday that he will be laid off... His "position has been eliminated," to be exact. He'll "transition" for a couple of weeks, and then receive basically 3 weeks severance. This takes us to about the end of February - maybe early March before we lose another 50% of our income.

I honestly haven't even remotely sorted through all my thoughts on that subject. And, of course, it would be highly unprofessional of me to comment or speculate on an HR issue in this way. So, in the name of integrity, that's all I'll say about that. Besides, it doesn't make a difference anyway in the big picture.

What's most important is what God is calling out of Scott and I through this. I can't help but reflect on the last year, and, really, the 5 years we have spent in Salem.

As pretty much everyone knows by now, Salem isn't our favorite place. But, either way, we have been absolutely committed to being where God wants us. It was clear 3 years ago that God had called Scott, and eventually me, to Salem Alliance. I never told the story of how that all came about, but suffice it to say that God was working behind the scenes long before we ever knew and we just took step after step of faith - totally into an unknown and uncomfortable territory. Out of the heavens (pun intended), Scott's job landed in his lap.

And so it has been for the last 3 years... Blessing after blessing has been handed to us in ways we never expected. Then, starting this time last year we were faced with some suffering (when I became pregnant with Eden). You can read about it here. But God blessed us. Then came the uncertainty of our jobs... (You can read about that here and here.) But God blessed us. Time and time again, God came through for us in ways we would have NEVER imagined - budget cuts we

didn't think we could make... jobs that fit exactly Scott's giftedness (especially after his ministry was essentially cut)... on and on...

Then, after my darling Eden was born, we embarked on yet another 3 months of suffering, which I am not going to share the details of other than to say I didn't have the early weeks of Eden's life to just focus completely on getting to know her due to some work stuff. That seriously just killed me - but... only a few really knew about it. I have a really strong work ethic, and in some ways I like to think I'm super-woman-mom who can juggle it all. And maybe from the outside that's what it looks like. But on the inside I felt very different - angry, sad, robbed...

But... we barreled through... And we had big plans. Plans that only the two of us (and maybe 6 others) knew about.

But, once again, God had a different plan.

Which brings us to today.

Seriously tough news. Yes, it sucks. It's super scary when you think that in less than 8 months over 55% of our income is gone. Poof.

And with that... we lose our home, our health insurance, probably at least one car, any level of comfortable living.... Everything.

Or do we?

See, we live and serve a faithful, loving, AWESOME God. It has been our experience time and time again that He does not let us fall. Sure, we're faced with suffering. Suffering sucks any way you look at it, unless you look at it through His eyes.

All this to say that today leaves a lot of unknowns. Our house is going up for sale. We are (and have been) selling things to lighten our load. And things have been happening behind the scenes that seemingly didn't relate or even make sense, but have now become crystal clear. Ok, maybe "crystal" is a stretch.... Really more like slightly opaque. But the point is that now we understand what God has been doing. We are not worried. We are not angry. (Ok, again, I admit, I'm a little pissed, but again, for reasons that I will not go into here. Even though I was recently told, "There are no secrets here," I know better.) God has us right where He wants us, and we are FREE to let Him carry our burden.

Scott has quoted Dallas Willard a thousand times, at the very least. I will admit that much of what he talks about is so far beyond my understanding that 99% of it doesn't sink in... nor do I even really think about it. However, there is one quote that sums up perfectly where I am today. At a recent Renovare conference, Dallas was asked, "How do you know when God is near?" (Or maybe it was, "How do you know when you're a disciple?" Something like that. See? I don't totally soak it in... but the question isn't what matters. It's all in the answer. Listen to this.) Dallas responded, "Well, don't you know when someone is helping you carry a load?"

YES. And so it is with us. Jesus is abundantly present. The news, while difficult, has actually made room for Jesus to lift a heavy burden. We feel lighter. We feel affirmed. That decision actually confirms what we have been feeling about Scott's position for quite some time, so really it didn't

come as a shock.

Here is what we know. We know that God is with us. We know that, through our experience, we can trust Him fully. We know that He has called Scott to something special, and whether that plan is carried out at SAC or somewhere else, God will ensure that His will is accomplished. We know that we do not need to worry about our finances, as we know that God will provide - whether through multiplying our bank account like loaves and fishes, or through a job(s) opportunity, or through friends or family... or... or.... We know that He blesses His servants (see Job 42:10 for just one example - God reminded me of this last night). And we know that our suffering isn't eternal. Thank you, Jesus!

And so here we are. Completely surrendered. Completely submitted. Completely open to God's

voice. We are open handed ready to give and to receive.

We are open-armed, crucified with Christ.

We do have specific prayers that we are sharing with only a few. But if you want, feel free to pray with us. We simply ask, once again, that you pray that God's will be done - in us, through us, for HIS glory!!!

Amen!!!! AMEN!!!!