Psalms during a sleepless night

God has an interesting way of speaking to me. Sometimes He smacks me hard upside the head. Sometimes He gives me a vision. And sometimes He gives me a verse out of thin air. Last night, I couldn't sleep. So much on my mind... Not so much "worries" per se. Just stressed and confused and, if I'm being perfectly honest, perturbed and a little devalued, deflated and tired. My hubby and I were up until around 1:30am talking... After he fell asleep, I was overcome with emotion, so I went to the livingroom for a good honest cry. Then I tossed and turned some more... Then got up to check email. (Why, I don't know - not like I get a bazillion emails in the middle of the night. I think I was just trying to pass the time or occupy my mind with less painful topics.) I tossed and turned some more, and finally around 3:00 or 3:30, God gave me a verse. It was pretty jumbled at first, but I asked God to clarify for me. I heard Him say, "Psalm 29:11."

Now, I always kind of laugh when this happens, because sometimes I wonder if my mind isn't just wondering on its own. Plus I wonder if God really wants me to look up the verse. So, I asked Him again. He said (and I quote), "Get up and read it."

Alrighty then. That was a clear enough command. When God says go, ya better go! So.... I grabbed my Bible from my bedside (which loudly knocked over a bottle of hand lotion) and snuck out to the livingroom once again. I switched on the lamp and flipped to Psalm 29:11. This is what it said: "The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace."

Now... I'm not going to get into the details of my struggle at this time. (I'll save that for another day when I'm ready to share it.) But, wow. I started to cry. (Which is funny in and of itself because, see, a pregnant woman cries at everything. But I think these tears were more than just hormones.) I decided to read the entire Psalm... then I read Psalm 30... and 31.

Here are some key verses that spoke to me:

"Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b (After a night filled with tears, it's good to have found joy at dawn.)

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalm 30:11-12 (There is blessing in my struggle, for God knows the desire of my heart, and has heard my prayers and those of His people who have prayed with me.)

"Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth." Psalm 31:5 (Notice that the first part of this verse is the very same verse that Jesus used on the cross. In context, David is referring to his life, whereas Jesus is referring to his death. Pretty cool stuff.)

"But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.'" Psalm 31:14 (Scott and I were just talking about "who" we serve yesterday. Do we serve God or money? I choose to serve God.)

"Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD." Psalm 31:24 (Pretty self-explanatory. He is the source of my strength. He and the added blessing of coffee. HA!)

"Give unto the LORD glory and strength. Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;" Psalm 29:1b-2 (Yes, I know this is out of order, but it just reminds me that in light of everything, He IS to be praised! He is due praise. Not just worthy to be praised...)

"The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace." Psalm 29:11 (Hard news for a lot of folks, but as an individual, a community, a church, God will give us strength.)

In cross reference, I jumped to Hebrews 13:15 - "Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name." Again, He IS to be praised - with our lips, with our bodies, with our resources - with our lives.

Even in the midst of suffering, God shows up. Is my suffering gone? No. Are my questions answered? No. Will I continue to struggle for a season? Most certainly. But God gave me enough to show me He is present with me as I walk through this. I am not alone.

Can I just say that I'm grateful for a refining fire? Pruning is painful, but it bears fruit. Lord, I'm listening and I abandon all I am at the foot of the Holy Cross. May You be glorified. Praise be Your name. Amen.